Now that the 4th of July is done and gone and your eyebrows are just beginning to grow back after that Roman Candle incident, summer is pretty much over. Retail stores are setting up Christmas displays (the Back-to-School Sales ended back in March) and the Miami Dolphins have already been mathematically eliminated from the NFL Playoffs. About the only thing that has not taken place yet this summer is the Game and Fish running the deer lottery and giving out tags. Apparently they are not planning on getting around to that until mid November.
It seems like a good time to look back at the summer that almost was here before it was gone with a brief multiple choice quiz to see how your season went.
1) For a vacation after the long winter, you went:
B) To the islands on a cruise with your significant other.
C) To the emergency room. Several times.2) The best book you picked up this summer was about:
A) The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman.
B) Happy, Happy, Happy by Phil Robertson.
C) Parole Handbook for the Newly Released by the State of North Dakota.
3) You took your boat out on the lake or river:
A) Five times.
B) Ten times.
C) Just once, and it is still out there somewhere.
4) This summer, you fired up your grill to:
A) Cook dozens of steaks to perfection for friends and family.
B) Mostly heat up hotdogs for the kids.
C) Attempt to collect on your homeowner's fire insurance.
5) If neighbors were to describe your lawn, they would say:
A) It is neatly manicured.
B) There are a few dandelions growing, but nothing too bad.
C) I think there is a house in there somewhere.
6) After your best round of golf this summer, you:
A) Bought a round of drinks for everybody in the clubhouse.
C) Only had to pay to replace two broken windows and one guy's eyeglasses.
7) With the abundant rain and warm weather, your garden produced:
A) Some of the best lettuce and tomatoes ever.
B) Corn on the cob so sweet you would swear it was covered in sugar.
C) A couple funny looking plants that caused the local authorities to secure a search warrant.
8) The best movie you watched this summer was:
A) The Lone Ranger - A remake of the classic television show about a masked hero and his Native American sidekick set in the old west.
B) Despicable Me 2 - The sequel to animated hit Despicable Me where a charming villain adopts children and turns into a good guy.
C) Sharknado - A movie about a tornado filled with sharks. Seriously.
9) Your favorite sports team:
A) Spent the summer cutting guys who are in jail (Patriots).
B) Spent the summer trying to convince MLB that its best player didn't take performance enhancing drugs (Yankees).
C) Spent the summer losing (Twins).
(Yeah, none of those options were really very good. Just pretend you didn't answer that question.)
10) To stay in Baywatch type summer swimwear shape, you:
A) Spent time swimming laps at the pool.
B) Ran in several 5K races around the state.
C) Often, but not always, got your own drink out of the fridge instead of sending your kid for it.
Now, to score this quiz, if you answered A or B for most of these 10 questions, you had a spectacular summer. If you answered C to these questions, you are a completely normal human being, and, with good behavior, may be out of jail in time for summer 2014.